I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
