bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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