How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
