How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
