this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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