He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Drake has all the answers
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
