I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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