I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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