in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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