Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
