i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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