so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
