One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
