I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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