Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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