I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
