I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
