you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
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I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
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Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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