If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
