i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts