guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
