Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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