You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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