just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
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I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
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I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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