There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I have post one night stand depression
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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