how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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