at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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