She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
