thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
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we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
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Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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