Your mouth is God's brothel.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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