So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
