So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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