Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
