Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
