Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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