the condom got lost in my hair
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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