everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
