to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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