girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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