You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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