your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Enjoy the penises
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
