please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
