Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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