I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
