I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
