i don't like sucking hair
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
