Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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