I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
