So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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