found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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