Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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