don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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