I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
