i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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