Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
