I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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