Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
