if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
