Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
