Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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