you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
