ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
