I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
