i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I skipped work to stalk him.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
