I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
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We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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