Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
