please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
