You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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