Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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