it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Boobs are out for the taking
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
