I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
