Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
