I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just googled if crying burns calories
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
