hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize