My sheets look like a crime scene.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
